| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2008|11:02 pm] |
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i would like a backrub. a really good, i am in love with you, backrub. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2008|04:52 pm] |
i can't say the things i want to say, but i suspect that i do everything wrong.
for now, i'll do the laundry. i don't usually do that wrong.
i smell like someone else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2008|06:54 pm] |
it's the simple things, like tracy chapman's "fast car" and mr. roger's quotes and the sunshine on my face that make my life seem worth it.
i recommend you listen to my myspace profile and take a look through the quotes community (http://community.livejournal.com/quotes) until you find something that melts your heart, or stops you in your tracks, or lulls you into a peaceful moment. i promise you will. (a sleeping cat on your lap helps the mood too!) i would like everyone to feel how i feel right now. it's not happy, it's not sad. it's nice.
"It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff."
p.s.
i signed up to take the GRE's on april 5th.
i am applying to syracuse, maryland, and drexel for their MLS programs.
i am on day two of being an independent woman. so far so good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2008|11:33 pm] |
Re-occurring themes of my life:
Being put on the backburner
Drinking on anti-biotics
Obsessing over a single band or limited genre then going back to Hanson
Neglecting the people I can count on
Getting cheated on
Becoming so depressed that I sit on the couch for hours because I literally cannot. move.
Falling apart |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2008|03:50 pm] |
dude.
i am so. so. so. unhappy.
what gives?
where is my sunshine?
the ryan to my alicia?
the joe to my jax?
the butter to my toast?
my luck?
my head?
i deserve something. fuck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2008|04:41 pm] |
i emailed two of my favorite professors to ask for recommendation letters. fingers crossed that they both say 'okay!' i feel like i just shoved my life into fast forward. i'm skipping the boring parts and getting right to the good stuff. sometimes i forget that i am ONLY twenty-two. not, oh my goodness, i am twenty-two! i've got time and room to push past some of the bullshit.
i will have a master's degree by the time i am twenty-four.
that can't be too bad! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|11:20 pm] |
annnnd
i got fired.
my fucking life never stops amazing me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|08:36 pm] |
brandon cheated on me.
told me he wasn't in love with me anymore.
explained he thinks he wants to date her instead.
i have never believed that hearts have anything to do with emotions or pain, but yesterday it felt like my chest was an empty cavern. i mean it. i couldn't feel my heart there.
i am destroyed.
we are supposed to leave for L.A. tomorrow
we live together.
why?
i am so shot to pieces. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|11:15 pm] |
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During depression the world disappears. Language itself. One has nothing to say. Nothing. No small talk, no anecdotes. Nothing can be risked on the board of talk. Because the inner voice is so urgent in its own discourse: How shall I live? How shall I manage the future? Why should I go on? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2007|10:31 am] |
talking is good.
i will never be a writer. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2007|12:27 pm] |
i am sitting on the floor in the new apartment. free wireless! woo!
apparently we never set up the gas, so i called and now have an "appointment" on thursday. i.e. i have to be here from 8-12 for whenever they decide to come. we don't have the moving truck until saturday, so i have no bed or furniture to do this waiting around on. super awesome fun.
the house is too cute. i really do love it here, and ian seems to be adjusting nicely. i hate this inbetween nonsense, because when i am here i don't have much of the necesities that are at my apartment now (hair stuff, makeup, my shoes, etc.) i feel like a beast and i have to venture out to target.
our upstairs neighbors are a very old couple named susie and jerry. they are both somewhere around 4'10'' and they are adorable. they make me nervous though. how will loud sex go over? fights? food burning? (because that is bound to happen)
regardless, i am happy. anything is better than "wooooo!"-ville.
ok, i am freezing.
i forgot the space heater.
and i have a looooong list of things to buy at target. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|01:45 pm] |
stop whining.
things could be much worse and they are for a lot of people.
calm down, drink some ice water, read a book.
mostly, shutup.
(hey. i wish someone had said that to me. they probably should have.) |
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| stupid. |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|09:39 pm] |
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note to self: when leaving work in hopes of having a productive night, don't take shots of crown. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|10:33 am] |
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i have a million things i want to say and no way of saying them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|03:34 pm] |
leave me out with the waste.
my optimism is so shot.
my luck just wont improve. i need a lucky break. a break...it doesn't even need to be lucky. something, please. things never seem to stay good with me. to be honest i can't remember the last time things were good for more than a day. i know those days are supposed to get me through, but i never know when the next one is. the space between these good days keeps growing. maybe this is adulthood. i guess it probably is.
how fucking depressing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|12:10 am] |
i should be studying, but my brain cannot seem to focus.
my temper is so awful.
i hate it.
temper aside, this will be the last entry i post that will be for "non-friends", and, i am making a wise decision by deleting a friend or two. times change and so do people, not that anyone needs me to tell them that. truly i am tired of the judgement. and the masked or blatant hatred. i don't understand much other than that i have spent my whole life struggling to be happy. i don't want to struggle anymore. i don't want five people pointing fingers at me every time i mess something up. i opened myself up to that, i know. but, i am done with it.
one final rude action from an ex boyfriend at school the other day has pushed me to the limit. i have had it told to me more times than i can count: i am giving them what they want. some is most certainly deserved, but this far down the road, i do not believe it is. the more recent wounds i understand a little bit better, but, even those, they seem too harsh.
i am so far from perfect and i will be the first to admit it.
maybe that's what you need to hear?
anyways. goodbye, goodluck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|09:32 pm] |
i don't recall writing that last entry.
shows you how sleep deprived, stressed, and ahfiwytiwehgeg i am.
i intended to write something...smart, uplifting, whatever... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|12:05 pm] |
i think i may have gotten 6 hours of sleep last night. my cat woke me up pretty much every hour. i am now wide awake and he is fast asleep on my bed. i feel as if this is training for kids someday. argh.
my birthday is in three days.
i want to travel. bad. i wish someone would buy me a trip. |
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